Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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