Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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