whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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