guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
