i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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