make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
