i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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