Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
