fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
