Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
