not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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