someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
