In the future we'll all be gay
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
