Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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