I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
