I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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