can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
