You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
