Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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