I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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