dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
