Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
