I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
