If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
