Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
