I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
