When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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