I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
