Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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