I love black thongs
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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