are you still at the devil's house?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
