you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
