listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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