I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
