got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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