I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
