im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
