i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
