I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
