just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
