ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
