You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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