her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
