I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
