On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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