Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
