so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
