so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
