Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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