the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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