and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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