do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
